don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
