smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
