Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
false alarm. still invincible.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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