JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
