I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
