dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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