After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
