I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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