he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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