I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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