ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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