woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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