i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
