There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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