cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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