JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
