we have officially lost it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
