I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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