So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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