My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
