Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
