One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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