I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
