im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
