Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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