why didn't you poke me back
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
