Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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