he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pants are for mortals
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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