i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
