My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
