How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
