i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
