Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
even my farts smell like vagina
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
