I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
