My pussy is not your playground.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
