I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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