A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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