I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
