I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
