I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
