dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
