I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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