You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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