i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I met the friendliest cop last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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