Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
