masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
