An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
