i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
