Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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