how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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