I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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