My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
