i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
