Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
